One thing I’ve always struggled with is my weight. Over the past year or so my internal struggle with weight loss has become more than just an uphill battle… it’s become more of a downhill war. I find myself experiencing bouts of motivation and bouts of discouragement; and, some days I feel like the weight is just NOT going to budge.
I know that for my health’s sake I have to get this weight off, but at the same time, I need steady motivation, patience, and stability. None of which I ever have simultaneously. It’s like my schedule doesn’t permit me to eat at the same everyday, nor does it usually allow me to eat several small meals a day. Also, I can be quite impatient,which doesn’t help much because I find myself wanting to give up when I don’t see or feel results. Not to mention the people around me who seem to think that just because I’m large I don’t eat healthy or try to do the right thing when it comes to exercising! It’s like, if you aren’t here living this battle with me or trying to help me get past it, then don’t make snide comments because they don’t do anything but set me back.
Going to the gym is probably the most difficult thing I have to bring myself to, and pretty much have to bribe myself to even go. Honestly even just going to the Green-way to walk becomes problematic for me. I absolutely hate when people look at me exercising! And yes, I have heard the old “But they’re not paying any attention to you. They’re there for the same reason you are!” No. Just stop with the nonsense. I’ve been overweight/obese for a while, and believe me I know when people are eyeballing me. Maybe it shouldn’t bother me, but guess what? It does. While it’s gotten a bit easier for me to bare, it’s still something that I have to fight to stop me from backing out of my workouts.
Out of all this talk, and all the struggling, weight loss and weight gain, I still have the ultimate goal of getting to a healthy weight. I realize that it’s going to take time, patience, determination, motivation, and soooooo many other things; but, at the end of the day I have to think about what will be best for me in the long run. And when it comes time to work out, I’ll probably have to bribe myself again and again. The only thing that matters though, is that I do it.
So if you find yourself struggling, and you need motivation, just remember that the weight will come off. If you just keep striving, and pushing, and believing, you WILL see results. Remember that you’re beautiful and strong. Weight loss is just one battle, and it DOES NOT define who you are.
~ Gabriell Anna