Life

A Thought Grows in Brooklyn

Just to give a little background as to where this story is coming from and why I could even be having the thoughts that I am, I’m going to give you a brief tale of my past. Sooooo… yeah. Here goes.

So when I was about six my parents got divorced because “they grew apart”. That’s what we’ll call the situation for sake of keeping some things private on the interweb. Anyways, it was an unnecessarily long, grueling, and annoying divorce process because although my father was the one to file, he wouldn’t sign the divorce papers (I’m sure you can assume where most of the drama orginiated). I guess I was about 8 when all the drama finally decided and my dad’s new “wife” is now in the picture.

Well a couple of years after the divorce of my parents, the matrimony to his new wife, and the arrival of a younger brother and two step-siblings from “elsewhere”, my dad and his new family pack up and head off to Maryland to live. Yes, it was as if I did not exist and I wasn’t supposed to see my father on a regular basis. In fact I didn’t see him again until the summer after my freshman year of college. Mind you during that gap of time there was little contact or show of love and care for me from him (pretty much he adores my brother more than he adores me).

Now… Back to the present.

BrooklynBridgeSunsetHDRSML

Currently I am visiting NYC (where my dad grew up) for a family reunion (and just because I love it here) and I am staying with my ex-stepmom (my dad is no longer married to my brother’s mom). Well, he came down day before yesterday in preparation for the reunion and to bring my brother to stay here with his mom while I am here (which is cool because all now there’s 3 siblings in the house!). Yesterday, we took a venture out to Brooklyn, which is where my father and his 6 siblings all grew up.

For me it was a humbling experience because I grew up in the same town my mom grew up in therefore I was allowed to see her heritage and where she came from and such. I knew my maternal grandmother, in fact she was my best friend, I know pretty much all my mom’s family and everything there is to know about how they all grew up. Being able to see where my dad’s legacy began got me to thinking that I really know nothing about him or his family. Not because I don’t want to know, but more because that opportunity was shut off from me. I’m 21 years old, and I’m attending a family reunion today with a group of people who made little to no effort to be a part of my life and share their heritage with me. My mom says I should let it go, and I know that  one day I will be able to, but after that trip yesterday, I realized how much all of these situations have broken me. It’s like I’m literally missing half of myself.

It is my hope that I can go enjoy my family and maybe learn a little something that I didn’t know beforehand (my mom has told me a FEW stories) and somehow find forgiveness in my heart to begin healing. It’s funny because when I was younger and people used to ask me how I felt about the divorce and the “new marriage” and having a brother, it didn’t really bother me. As a child, I suppose I just didn’t allow it to affect me. Now as an adult I see the damage that it has done. Not because my parents split, but because there was a lack of love and attention from the parent that up and decided to leave.

***All the facts in this are true and are in fact events from my life. Yes, some details are left out because well, they’re not that important and I don’t want ALL of my business out on the web.

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2 thoughts on “A Thought Grows in Brooklyn”

  1. I just opened up your blog for the first time in forever and was happy to see you’d written lately! You’re such a talented writer, Gabbye, and I love reading your work 🙂

    I was sad to read this post because I can tell how much you hurt, but I can relate to you. My parents divorced when I was 9, and although I know it was a very good thing (my father was emotionally abusive, into drugs, and in fact spent some time in jail after the divorce because of that), it bothers me somewhat that we’ve had little-to-no contact since then. It’s not like I even liked spending time with him! But I think I feel like *he* should want to see ME, at least. I’m his daughter, so I’m supposed to be the most important thing in his world, right? Ha!

    The last time I’d talked to my paternal grandmother was when I graduated high school, and that was because I’d sent her a graduation announcement and she called after she got it. I didn’t bother after college, but a couple of years ago after I got married I sent her a letter updating her on my life, and she never responded. A few weeks ago I decided to try to look her up again, and when I Googled for the address, the first thing that popped up was her obituary from this April. 😦

    It sucks to know I have a whole other family on that side (2 uncles, and a whole bunch of cousins) and no one has ever tried to talk to me. My letter and phone calls have went unanswered. At this point I’m really curious to know if I have any younger siblings, like you do. You have a good relationship with them, right? At least that’s awesome!

    Anyway, that was all a lot of rambling to just tell you that I can sympathize. I love you and am so proud of how hard you are working for your goals! You are a brilliant and driven young woman. I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I was thinking of you ❤

    -Mabe

    1. Awh! YoU have no idea how much this post means to me. I know I’m not the only one in the split-parent-fallout situation but it seems like it sometimes. And the fact that you shared your story is just wonderful. So much has happened since this post though… smh. But I hope you’re doing well! I’d love to meet you for lunch or something one day. 🙂

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