2017 was literally the worst year of my life. If you’ve followed my journey to this point, you’re aware that I was the primary caregiver for my mother who was suffering from advanced heart failure and illnesses secondary to that. In addition, I’ve been in college since 2010 (undergrad and immediately into graduate school). Well, for a majority of 2017 my mom was in and out of the hospital and before the year’s end, she passed away.
Losing my mother was something that I know was inevitable, but could in no way prepare for no matter how hard I tried. She died a week before Thanksgiving, a little less than a month than my birthday, and month before my graduation. To say that I ended the year in the worst place possible is an understatement. However, I have made it up in my mind to not spend 2018 wallowing in pity for myself or holding myself back in any way. I’ve spent the last decade spending large percentages of my time focused on my mom and juggling both of our lives, but the future, the rest of my life, is all mine.
This new year truly brings a time of rebirth for me, and while I’m not exactly sure what I will be doing, where I will be going, or how I will be getting there… I do know that I will be reclaiming all of the time that I spent not flourishing and growing as a young woman. While I am grateful for the time I spent with my mom and the lessons that I learned over the years, I am well aware that I’ve not lived a life typical of a 20-something year old woman. But as I’ve reached my mid 20s, with this new life ahead of me, I am happy to be able to say that I will be able to live the life I’ve always dreamed of and talked about with my mom. She is no longer physically here with me, but she will forever be in my heart and mind.
2018 will be my year. This is the year that I take back my life.